If you think that advertisements these days have become a moral litmus test, these vintage advertisements will have you gasping in disbelief. Nothing like this would have ever made it to print today...
Beauty Over Brains
Even today, women's looks are still valued over their intellects. Misogyny like this can be traced all the way back, far before sexist ads like this one. Also, unrelated, but can you imagine soap costing ten cents? Times have changed in more ways than one...
So Romantic
Don't you love it when you're on a date with someone and they blow cigarette smoke directly into your eyes and mouth? Try this move on your next first date, but only if you're looking for a way to get rid of them.
Safety First!
Ah, yes. Famously, parents love to think of their infant babies holding a sharp, dangerous blade. Not sure if "safety razor" quite makes the cut, here.
Driving for Girls
They finally invented a simple vehicle for ladies, who notoriously cannot operate a vehicle without wearing twelve different rings. Thank goodness. She looks so surprised by the road...
Where Is That, Exactly...?
Keep your girlfriend where she belongs: inside of your shoes. Maybe in the 1950s "girlfriend" was another word for "socks."
Not Anymore
Imagine an ad like this running today. More importantly, imagine sleeping in a button-down shirt and tie. What a loser. Get your own breakfast, weirdo.
Think Again
Wow, it shouldn't be surprising that seventy years ago, people really hated women—but somehow it is! Plus, those outfits are ridiculous. Put your veiny calves away.
Domestic Violence
Back then, unfortunately, beating your wife was relatively normalized. This is a very bizarre and terrible way to advertise coffee, seeing as domestic violence should have nothing to do with how you get your morning caffeine fix.
Smoking Baby
Why was everyone so obsessed with poisoning their children? First soda, now this? One is easily worse than the other, but neither should be given to a little baby.
It's Getting Old
People back then had two jokes: women can't drive, and women belong in the kitchen. Get some new material, guys. Come on.
My Wife, The Cleaner
Gift your wife a vacuum for Christmas, sure. Just don't expect her to be very thrilled about it.
You'll Never Guess
Thought these ads couldn't get any worse? Boy, were you wrong. This ad is for... wait for it... a vaginal douche. A Lysol-brand vaginal douche. Yes, the liquid disinfectant. Imagine putting that up there.
Women Are Objects
Women! They're things. Or stuff. Wait, no, they're people... but not until the '90s. Before then, your girlfriend was a mop, or a beer, or a pack of cigarettes.
Fashion Week
Does anyone have a clue what this naked woman holding a heavy stack of books has to do with stockings? Do stockings... make you smarter? Is it because they squeeze the blood from your legs back up to your brain?
A Big Glass of Diabetes
Nothing does it like Seven-Up? Yeah, if by "it" you mean "gives babies diabetes." Clearly, they had no probelm starting 'em young back then...
For Ladies' Hands Only
Don't you hate it when your weak, feminine fingers struggle to grasp a normal-sized pen for MEN? What if pens were small and dainty for your girly little woman hands. Wouldn't that be nice?
Excuse Me?
Listen, if there were vitamins that afforded people the ability to become cuter and get more work done, they would be flying off the shelves. Sadly, this is just regular, old sexism.
That's It, Huh...
Everyone knows that men simply get married instead of learning how to cook. Men look at a raw chicken and go, "What am I supposed to do with this?" That's why they have wives.
Don't Shoot Santa
Because nothing says "happy holidays" like a bunch of children holding rifles. Why does a seven-year-old need a gun? No, really.
Too Soon
How soon is too soon to feed your baby soda? I'd like to see what "essential sugars" are provided by a bottle of cola. Active lifestyle? Yeah, maybe from the sugar high...
Women Aren't Decorations
Apparently, people at ad agencies back then couldn't get more creative than perceiving women as literal objects. Fortunately, the times have changed.
This Would NEVER Fly Today
There's no way that anything even remotely similar to an ad like this would ever be printed today. Who has time to read all that copy? Get out of here, Charles Antell.
Adults Only
This one is slightly less unacceptable in that it’s an ad for an adult movie, which will always rely on sexual innuendos to sell tickets. We love a thick queen!
Uh, Yes?
The answer to this question is, without a doubt, a resounding yes. Just like it's illegal to kill anyone. Anywhere. Always.
Why Don't They Make These Anymore?
Step right up and get your cocaine toothache drops! Nothing to cure your dental woes like a little bump of cocaine. "Druggists" indeed.
O, Canada
Contrary to popular belief, Canadians are not actually talking beavers. This may be hard to believe, but it's true.
Well, If He Says So...
As everyone knows, smoking is extremely good for you. Just like drinking coffee, or eating glass, cigarettes whiten your teeth and make them nice and shiny!
Cigarettes for Doctors
This was long before the Surgeon General warned that smoking would kill you. In fact, your very own doctor might hand you a cigarette—right along with a lung cancer diagnosis.
Chillaxing
King of the jungle? Who cares. Look at those four women carrying his lazy butt around with ease.
Kids and Guns
"Absolutely safe!" they say, while the toddler in bed plays with a literal shotgun. This ad is right. They aren't toys, and that means they shouldn't end up in your daughter's bedroom.
Relax, SEGA
Back when sexual innuendos were used to sell video game consoles, nasty stuff like this was normal to see in the newspaper. Get a cold glass of water, SEGA.
Shake It
It's true that sitting kills, but when doctors advised people to get more exercise, this isn't what they meant. Being shaken around like a martini isn't the same thing as going on a run, unfortunately.
Try A Cough Drop Instead
Not only were cigarettes back then advertised as something doctors and dentists recommended, but they were also marketed as being good for the throat!
Nice Hat
The ad would’ve been the exact same even if there wasn’t a woman’s head right there, but there is. Anyway, we all know those carrot earrings would sell for $60 at Urban Outfitters nowadays.
Before Plus-Size, There Was...
Pro tip: Avoid calling any woman in your life a "chubby" at all costs. She's a thick queen. A curvy goddess. Not a chubby.
Good Riddance
Of course, it's important to practice oral hygiene, but once again, why do women have to be the ones who lose in every situation? Maybe he was the one who smelled!
Just Why?
As all orchesta players know, the essential trick to mastering the violin is playing it without a bra. How are you practice when those straps are digging into your shoulders?
Where Are Your Pants?
If she doesn't give it to you, it's either because she said "no," or because she seems to have misplaced her pants. Leave her alone.
Blink Twice if You Need Help
Would you want to go to on down to Hardee's for "something sloppy and hastily prepared"? Who wrote the copy for this?
World's Greatest Chef
We've all been here... you get home from a long day at the Men's Office For Men Where Men Work, and your wife has prepared a delicious meal: two beers on a plate, and some black soot stuck to the bottom of a pan. Mmm, carcinogens!
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
Santa's here, and he brought you every child's dream: a gigantic box of Camel cigarettes. There's no better way to celebrate the holidays than with emphysema.
Doctors Loved Their Cigarettes
Don't you miss the good old days, when witch doctors would prescribe you cocaine to cure the ghosts in your blood, and your primary care physician smoked a pack of Camels while diagnosing you with polio?
Not Vegan-Friendly
This is a bit of a graphic ad. There are some logistics to work out here. Is the pig standing on top of his enemies? Where are his organs? Why does he look so smug?
Chewing Tobacco: Kids Edition
There's no better way to advertise chewing tobacco than with... uh... a small child holding a Christmas garland? Hey, Little Katie, you're about to get gum disease from all that chewing tobacco.
What Are They Even Selling?
Because nothing helps sell a product more than having a beautiful girl promote it, right...
Bye, Felicia
The dangerous reef of half-truths about feminine hygiene clearly didn't include the importnat part about about how putting Lysol in your nether regions might actually be kind of dangerous.
Torture Device
This is not a medieval torture device, no matter how much it may look like one. In what universe does this contraption resemble a baseball mask? And who asked for something like this?
Women Can't Do Anything: The Musical
One would assume that if this woman was a Telex operator, she would know what a Telex is. Of course, according to every advertisers in the twentieth century, women didn't know how to read, drive, or identify basic objects.
Soooooooo Clumsy!
This poor woman couldn't hold her purse and a sandwich at the same time! Maybe it's her dainty lady hands. Thankfully, Scotch tape is there to save the day—and the sandwich.
Finally, A Good One
Of the milions of ads run back in the day, we've finally stumbled across one that doesn't hate women! This is a rare vintage ad encouraging women to gain weight. Even these days, it's unlikely to see products with this message.
Is That What It Looks Like?
Glamorizing drug use is pretty classic 1970s. Could you imagine walking down the street only to see an ad for cocaine plastered on a billboard? No, probably not. Times have changed!
Not Healthy
Mothers should never encourage their daughters to stay as skinny as possible. It's not healthy!
Sure It Was
You know, this copy might be a little bit more believable if you could actually see her head. The first thing I noticed was her predisposition to melanoma. Wear some sunscreen, girl!
Proceed at Your Own Risk
It turns out that most women don't respond kindly to strange men whispering "Yo-Ho-Ho!" like a creepy pirate into her ear. The best part of this ad is definitely, "Or (What the hell!) Champagne." Okay, copywriters. You mix champagne and rum and see how you like it.
So Degrading
Nice hair, nice eyes, nice teeth... What about "nice brain?" This a vile and sexist advertisement.
What Is The Correlation, Here?
You know what they say. If you don't brush your teeth, this woman will come and trap your man in a spiderweb and then eat him. Right?
Physical Violence Cures Headcolds?
If Peter Pain came to hit me with a baseball bat in the middle of the night, I would probably call 9-1-1 instead of applying Ben-Gay. Fast relief from what, exaclty?
Hopefully Not
The "manly art" of domestic violence. This cartoon is especially disturbing. Why is she smiling?
What Is "Over-Smoked?"
Man, they really loved advertising things that children weren't allowed to have—using children in adverrtisements. Thanks, infant baby who probably doesn't have any opinions on cigarettes, for promoting Marlboros.
Ripped Stockings? Failed Marriage
If your man wants to leave you because he doesn't approve of your imperfect stockings, watch him go and close the door behind him. There hasn't been a moment in history where a husband has turned to his wife and said, "Your stockings look great today."
"Mild"
If it wasn't clear, the company is comparing their mild and smooth cigarettes to this random lady. What about her is "mild?" Why is that bird smoking a cigarette?
Floating Head
There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to this ad. It's as strange as it is scary and disturbing. It looks like this man is taking a photograph of his disembodied floating head.
In Search of Husband
Avoid offending who, Lux? It seems like everyone back then sat around all day being worried about how women smelled.
Hands Off
Contrary to their original idea, this ad may just have only helped push away their customers. It's hard to believe that women were subjected to this kind of advertising every day.
All Bodies Are Good Bodies
In some way, this ad is supposed to promote bodies of unorthodox shapes and sizes: "That's because you're a woman, and a model is a mannequin." Still, the brand makes girdles and shapewear, so maybe it's not so body positive, after all.
You OK?
Ma'am, it appears as though your daugther might be... broken. Either that, or she's just really, really hungry.
Worth Dying For?
It's the cigarette worth fighting for! Is it worth dying for? No? This ad really has it all—battered women and cigarettes.
Times Have Changed
Television went from good for you to bad for you to good in moderation. You've probably heard of Motorola making cellphones and other electronics, but did you know they used to make TVs, too?
Aging Is Natural
Palmolive—and Lysol, if we were to go by these ads—is the key to a long-lasting and happy marriage.
Not Their Best
They were really running out of ideas here, huh? Why would it be fun to own this if you're bald? In that case, they should advertise it to men over 50.
Women Smell?
Poor hygiene can ruin marriages, or at least that’s what this sexist ad is trying to say. Why was everyone in the 1950s obsessed with how women smell?
Little Too Spicy
No. Don’t say it. We already know exactly what you're thinking...
The Key to a Man's Heart?
Don't bother getting to know your crush. Instead, transform yourself into a sugar-free diet cola. That way, he might remember you!
Action Pants, You Say?
Way to feed men's egos with those "extra-large snack packs." For some reason, it seems unlikely that one would put Cheez-Its in there.
Gee! No Thanks
Times have certainly changed, that's for sure. Nowadays, women can definitely join the navy.