Some people really shouldn’t be casting their opinions online, that being said, we’re really glad they did. The back half of this list will completely change your opinion of people, you might even question your own comments…
What Wendy?
Good on Wendy for looking out for the entire Military Sealift Command, we all know how much they love their potato salad. Next time, it might be more appropriate just to make your own potato salad instead of asking a pizza joint to do it for you.
Kenya’s Corner
So there has to be a deeper story to this one, because who orders a “24′ super large pizza” and expects it to come in one piece? In fact, I think I’d be more upset if my pizza actually came uncut. I can only imagine how Kenya felt when her pizza came and she couldn’t roll it up and eat it like a giant saucy throw rug.
Elspeth Has Their Priorities Straight
I hate when I order something simple from a restaurant and they give you entirely something else. Fortunately, there were some redeeming factors, not just a solid cheesesteak, but an evidently cute delivery guy. Personally, I think they sent their cutest delivery person because they messed up your order.
Mary Ellen’s Dilemma
WHAT WAS UP WITH THE FETTUCCINI BOLOGNESE?? This case should be on an episode of Law and Order. Not only did the restaurant mess up the ziti, but Mary Ellen also cannot confirm whether her fettuccini was edible or not. This mystery has been haunting me, and I need answers.
Lamont’s Lament
This is like the old “It was a dark and stormy night…” adage, but with a Game of Thrones caliber cliffhanger. Plus, this is Lamont’s only review. Right now this is an open case, I have been in contact with detectives attempting to find this man. Theorists speculate that he is still writing the second draft of this review to this day, the absolute legend.
Karla’s Dark Secret
This would be a normal complaint, and I am sure it was received just like every other “middle of the road” review. Unfortunately for Karla, she did not consider that Grubhub would reveal her greatest kept secret, she, in fact, DID NOT ORDER A SODA!!
Asia Can’t Handle The Heat
Listen, I’m the kind of person who thinks that what’s mild for someone could be too spicy for another, and vice versa. In this case, I believe Asia is presenting a philosophical dilemma, not just questioning the restaurant about their perception of what is hot, but questioning humanity as a whole. In this case, the two stars might be referring to her understanding of spiciness as a concept.
Paige Can’t Hang Either
A near perfect 5-star review, honestly this is what restaurants are looking for when it comes to analyzing their customer satisfaction. Paige must have been so disoriented by the insanely spicy salsa that they forgot to write the first half of their review. Therefore, the restaurant must assume they are appropriately spicing their sauces, based on the 5-star rating.
I Don’t Think That’s How It Works
I wish I had more witty things to say about this review, but M really did the work for me. Personally, when I am recording my “Big Rock” and “Spicy Boy” pizzas, I try and keep my timeframe below 90 minutes. I think this was written by someone trying to communicate with us from another dimension.
Amy’s Holding It Together
I have so many questions for this person. Starting with the chicken, the “breeding” is a hysterical typo, but I feel her pain. I love fennel, but I think Amy has a case for complaint here. I think the largest question mark about this whole review is, how did Amy get wings if she ordered white chicken only? I think she got hooked up by the restaurant, seems kind of rude to only leave 3 stars after receiving the royal treatment.
Jamie Wants Their Roll
I don’t love when the restaurant/driver forgets a food item I ordered, in fact, I feel pretty ripped off since Grubhub is pretty stingy with their refund policies. The most remarkable thing about this review is that I think Jamie was going to write a second complaint but just gave up. It only makes sense to think that they should have added a second complaint if they’re going to start their review with “1.” Maybe the delivery person came back to drop off Jamie’s roll as they were writing this, and Jamie posted it by accident, I hope.
Ashley Is Fed Up
This review holds the most accurate criticisms yet, but this one is more-so about roasting the restaurant. Charging 6 bucks for a bottle of manufactured orange juice is highway robbery, but the real crime here is the names of the dishes that Ashley purchased. “Bi-Partisan Soup” and “Chickenless” sound more like threats than tasty menu items. This spot could definitely do better.
Is Scott Ok?
Hey man, I know exactly how you feel. I too have been ruined by a hot dog before, but I’m not sure if Scott and I had similar experiences. Please Scott, if you’re reading this, please reach out to me, this is a safe space.
Sharon Made Up Her Mind
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Did Sharon finish her meal and just wanted to let us all know? Is this a cry for help? Is this actually a negative review, or is Sharon trying to tell us something? Professional decipherers, get to work.
AI Is Taking Over
I didn’t think I’d live to see the day that computers have an opinion on crab and artichoke dip, but I guess stranger things have happened. “Tech” sounds like a plant from the restaurant themselves, to give a middle of the road review and strike up a conversation with people who look. Well, they’ve got my attention.
Now That’s What I’m Talkin’ About
Alexander knows what’s up! This dude is having the best time on this website, and I can’t blame him. Although I have no idea what a French cuisine inspired hot dog would taste like, Alex has inspired me to seek out that information. In a day and age where people are afraid to be their true selves online, Alex is doing the hard work for all of us.
Ok Bud, Please Relax For A Second
Latoya is coming in hot with her third ever review. Latoya is new to the Grubhub scene, but I think they have a lasting artistic value that pervades the medium. I have always admired an artist who’s passion stands at the foreground of their work, and Latoya’s latest review made me feel like they were actually screaming at me. In spite of their 1-star review, I give Latoya 4.5 stars, and I look forward to seeing more of their work in the future.
Has Anyone Seen John?
Something about this review screams “Help Me.” I like to imagine a narrative in which John was finishing his review when his Grubhub driver caught wind of him about to leave a bad review. His driver came back to John’s house, and neither of them were seen ever again.
Dude, Why’d You Do That…
I could write a 1,000-page anthology of times people really shouldn’t have put their personal information on a public website in regards to a negative experience. I want to say that I feel bad for Florian, but I’m not sure they even understand how truly stupid this was to do. I bet they still get prank calls from restaurant employees “apologizing” for inconveniencing such an important “hard working individual.” I give Florian -5 stars.
Think Twice Before Reviewing
Now we’re heading into “I want a refund” territory. This is probably the most common review on Grubhub, and I personally think it’s remarkable that so many people feel entitled to demand a restaurant for a refund when the very nature of food delivery apps is the real problem. More often than not, the food being cold or mishandled is the driver’s fault, and why should they care? They aren’t being paid based on the quality of their performance, so technically they would be losing money putting intense time and care into each delivery. Karina, you should wise up.
You Go, Christina
Now, this is the kind of content I like to see on this website. Nothing but positivity, Christina shared how happy she was about a meal they received, and I’m sure that’s the kind of commentary the restaurant wanted. More positive Grubhub reviews 2019.
Blue Cheese Only Please
Thank you for your honesty, Carlos. For those who don’t know, Joey Diaz hates ranch dressing. Those aren’t the exact words he uses, unfortunately repeating what he said would promptly get me fired. That being said, blue cheese is better than ranch dressing on buffalo wings, I will fight anyone who steps to me about that.
Send It Brah
M is back, and they’re coming out at the speed of sound. M implores you to absolutely go for it. Leave your inhibitions at the door, go crazy, order a hot dog called “The Paul Bunyan.”
Fighting Fire With Stupidity
Joey, buddy, I really don’t think you made the right decision here. Not only did you waste your hard earned money, but you also wasted your food, you wasted your time, and you wasted my opinion of you. I personally hate sour cream, but I hate food wasters even more.
Nancy Doesn’t Know
At first, I thought Nancy had a case for her animosity, but after some consideration, the restaurant is right. Like, a burrito bowl and a taco salad have the same exact ingredients, just in different ratios. Use your brain, Nancy!!
WHAT
Let me take a deep breath before I get too nuts with this one. WHY IS FOOD YOUR BIGGEST CONCERN WHEN YOUR CHILD IS BEING BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD? I feel like I’m losing my mind, PLEASE just enjoy the life that’s in front of you. Hold your kid, and love them even if you’re a little peckish. Donta gets -10,000,000 stars from me.
Hey That’s Pretty Cool
Good for you Kiri, maybe you can pass on some of this positivity to Donta. This is also the ideal review in my eyes, Kiri keeps rocking on, I hope you’re having a great month.
Oh, Megan…
I don’t know what the driver did to deserve this title of “jerk,” but if your main complaint is that your driver didn’t speak English, you might want to reevaluate your life decisions.
Coming Full Circle
James needs to get together with our friend Joseph from earlier, maybe they can meet on common ground. Plus, our friend James here seems like less of a sourpuss.
Joann, Telling It Like It Is
Well dang, Joan! If you ordered from this restaurant, I sure hope they made it!
Never Eat A Saggy Burrito
Very sad they forgot Gloria’s salsa, additionally, a saggy burrito is never acceptable. I don’t think I have ever seen or tasted one before, but it definitely doesn’t sound good!
Forest Wishes They Were Running
All caps is a little unnecessary, and if Forest really wanted their food so bad, they can run and go get it.
Woah, Very Nice
I tell you what, awesome stuff sure good. I do like me some awesome good stuff. 10 stars for Shaun.
Aubrey Is Malfunctioning
Please remember to charge the robot that you programmed to write your Grubhub reviews for you. When you don’t, this happens.
You’ll What?
What are you gonna do Roberta? Does this wild empty threat constitute the 3-star rating you gave them? Roberta is so tough, they’re willing to fight an entire restaurant.
Stacia Goldberg Machine
I always find that people who cast complaints like this are generally the problem. Whatever if you thought the driver was “rube,” chances are you didn’t meet them with no expectations.
Listen To Them Please
Please! Listen to Alex, they know what they’re talking about.
I Feel That Dude
Why is food so expensive! Why is it so expensive to live in a house! Why does everything cost money!
Bless You For This Food
Tia might have accidentally thought they were ordering from a good Christian establishment. Unfortunately, there is no holy place that sells a 2-liter soda.
Alisha Had To Be Honest
Although this is a negative review, I actually think this was very well said. Thank and appreciate your service workers people!
Spongebob Reference Incoming
Wheres my drink? Diet Dr. Kelp. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS WITHOUT MY DRINK?????
You Need To Relax
Ketaki, I am so sorry things aren’t going your way. But, that is never an excuse to be rude on the internet.
Craig Telling It How It Is
Finally, someone had to say it. I have seen more misguided negativity on Grubhub than I have seen on any other review site. Thank goodness for Craig, accurately criticizing this business over some T-Bell.
Anastasia Reppin’ Philly
As you can see here, this is the most Philadelphia response to any negative food delivery service experience. Love my city, love my people.
The Truth Comes Out
There is a conspiracy that I have become attuned to, that Grubhub drivers secretly stash all of the sauces from their patron’s orders, possibly just to mess with them.
At Least The Pizza Roll Was Good
On a website full of complaints, It always blows me away that some people take the time to write full-scale arguments about how terrible the food was, only to follow it up with “well actually something was pretty decent though.”
Sometimes Things Just Work Out
Marc is just happy he got some food he liked. I would treat this guy to a stack of french toast any day.
Marc Is Back
Hey everybody, Grubhub Marc is back for the hottest restaurant review of 2019. This one speaks for itself, I love Marc and so should you.
A Cheesesteak Malfunction
This sounds absolutely terrible. Although, adding peppers to a cheesesteak does feel like sacrilege.
That Is Really Weird And Gross
The description of the chicken is enough to make me want to go vegan. Please avoid this at all costs.
I Need To Know More
Dude, who are you talking to? Are you friends with someone who works at that restaurant named Joe T., or are you speaking in the third person?
Good Stuff Matt
I love the positivity coming from my new friend Matt. What the heck is a Popcorn Chicken Monster though?
Mike Kinda Sounds Like A Jerk
Oh, Mike! You’ve got me cracking up dude, this guy totally gets it. I almost forgot that only non-d-bag hipsters can enjoy a nice cheesesteak.
Carl Has More To Say
I agree Carl, everything is a mess, and everything in the past was absolutely better than it is now.
Be More Like Jade
Jade, you understand what it takes to be a patron. Thank you for your commitment to taking care of service workers. More people should be like Jade.
Please Elaborate
I cannot tell if this is a specific instruction for the delivery driver or a complaint. Either way, Tamara please give us some more information.
Crab Raspberry
This review kinda sucks, but the typos are some of the best I have ever seen. Also the complaint “my food is wet” is pure gold.
Poor Meghan
I can only imagine a world that considers a split kaiser roll a “bagel.” I am so fortunate this didn’t happen to me, I think I would cry.
Please Someone Calm Megan Down
Megan was so flaming angry when they typed this, they completely forgot how to spell disgusting, three times.
I’m Sure You Can Find A Way
I wish there was more context, but let it be known, it can be pretty easy to mess up tuna.
And Then What?
I don’t quite understand how one just gives up on food that is actively in their mouth. No swallow, No spitting out, just keep the food there until it inevitably disappears.
Ok, Now This Is Ok
*Andre 3000 voice* ALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHT
Some Conflicting Information Here
I really don’t think C.J. thought his review over very well.
What Does That Mean?
So the food was bad. Is that what you’re trying to say?
Is That What They Call It?
I really do not think anything called “use cream” is intended for consumption.
I Give Up
Did you consider that maybe, JUST MAYBE, you put the wrong address in? Just please consider that next time.
This Sounds Truly Horrible
I think this is genuinely the worst experience yet.
Too Lazy To Get Up
Sarah, why didn’t you just walk the two blocks to get your own ice cream? (Based on their previous reviews, Sarah has the capability to walk)
Max Just Cannot Handle This
I can’t tell if this is sarcasm, or a realistic complaint. I’m going to assume its sarcasm, and if you love pepperoni so much, why don’t you just buy your own?
Probably Peppercorns
My guess is that Charan has never had Szechuan peppercorns, which aren’t spicy but they leave a numbing sensation in your mouth. They’re totally edible, and quite delicious and fun if you like having a tingly weird sensation while you eat.
Matt Better Count His Blessings
Be careful what you wish for Matt. Chances are the next time you order from this place, they’re going to send you a bunch of raw ingredients.
This Is A Real Problem
Provided Fabi is telling the truth, this is one of the nastiest things I have ever seen.
Some Interpretation Errors
Don’t you hate when you get your cheese box and the cheese isn’t evenly distributed? I stopped ordering boxes of cheese for this reason
Now That Is Dedication
I appreciate Patrick’s commitment to his love of pizza. Patrick is an inspiration to all of us.