The Weird Things You Can Buy on Wish

There are some things we need, some things we want, and there are some things that we should drop family and friends for owning.

A Silicone Face Tightener

In theory this one isn’t too wild, except for the fact that it makes you look like the worst iteration of the Kylie Jenner lip challenge. I think the worst part about this is that they tried to make this apparatus look like human lips. This product is like if you had to explain what lips were to an alien.

A Dog

An actual whole dog for only 6 real dollars, shipping included! In all seriousness, if I find out any of you took this information and bought a dog from wish as opposed to supporting your local animal shelters, we’re gonna have some problems.

Butt Pads

Honestly this one isn’t so bad. I’m sure all the fellow “bike riding as their main form of transportation” people would agree with me. $18 is a small price to pay for going from cheekless to dummy thicc overnight.

Hair… Dryer?

Alright so get this, this is a hair drying apparatus that you have to attach a HAIR DRYER to, in order to make it work. I use the term ‘work’ loosely, since you have to blow hot air through like 5 feet of tubing before it reaches your head. You’d probably have better luck standing under your oven exhaust fan.

Bottle Cap Shooter

This item seems like the tamest, but I think its the scariest one yet. Picturing myself in a situation where I would need to have a bottle opener on me, this is a recipe for disaster. I’m drunk AND holding a weapon? Now that’s just great.

Please do us all a favor and avoid purchasing any of these products, especially the dog, PLEASE do not purchase the dog.

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